An Open Letter To The Universe

Dear Universe,

I'm sorry, but I just have to ask, "Why do you hate me so? What is it that I've done to anger you? What can I do to make things right between us again?". I know that there are a lot more people out there in the world who are suffering from true and real tragedies. People who have lost everything they own to a fire. People who don't have food, water or a house to live in. People who live in fear of dying from a suicide bomber. But you know what? My life is the only experience I know and what I've experienced for the last eight months kind of leads me to believe you don't like me.

Let's recap, shall we? First off, there was all that you put me through last year with the IVF. Granted, Mike and I chose this option, but still...after all we went through, you weren't kind enough to grace us with a baby. Then, you decided to let us get pregnant in April, but you had an evil plan up your sleeve. From some reason, you didn't want to make this easy on me. So you started me off with some nausea (okay, a lot of nausea and throwing up). Then you threw in the pretty severe depression to mix things up. That wasn't funny in the slightest. After that, you tossed a bunch of physical ailments my way...hip bursitis, heel spurs, symphysis pubis disorder and gall stones. As if that wasn't enough, you pushed me through the deck at the lake in August from which I STILL have a bruise. But I was pleasantly surprised to see you opted to not grant me gestational diabetes and I kindly thank you for that.

As if the pregnancy ailments weren't enough, you've now blessed me with an ingrown toenail and some gawd-awfully weird knee thing. I can walk, run and squat, but the instant I touch my knee or try to lay down, I feel nothing but intense burning and it feels like my knees are going to break. And just at the moment when I thought I would tempt you and yell, "WHAT ELSE YOU GOT?", you throw this whole stupid EI curveball my way.

So thank you, Universe, for leaving me with six weeks left to go in my pregnancy with not only no money from EI, but a $3000 back-payment to them for which I will lose most of my maternity benefits. This just equals pure awesomeness.

And just in case you weren't sure what you get when you mix a pregnant lady who's been dealt a pretty crappy pregnancy physically (and who's proven to be slightly mentally unstable) and a situation like the one above, I'll let you know. YOU GET AN EXTREMELY MENTALLY UNSTABLE PREGNANT LADY WHO'S LIKELY TO ATTEMPT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE BY JUMPING OFF A SCAFFOLD SHE'S BUILT ON THE ROOF OF HER HOUSE JUST SO SHE CAN GET A BETTER SHOT AT YOU.

So dare I ask one. more. time. C'mon Universe...is that the best you can do? What else you got? Bring it on, bitch. I can take it.

PS - I would like to say thank you for not granting me with pregnancy mask, pimples, weight gain, swelling or leaky nipples. Amen.