Keeping It In Check

So, I've come to realize that my OCD does expand into the "fear of contamination" spectrum.  When I originally read up on my 'symptoms', the majority of them fell under the "harmful/aggressive" category  (I will devote a post later this week to this topic).

Because I don't wash my hands with a new bar of soap each time I scrub and because I don't take scalding hot showers for hours on end, I questioned whether I had contamination issues.  It wasn't until I asked Mike to change his sweatshirt before holding Katelyn that a big ol' lightbulb appeared and I heard DING! DING! DING! WE HAVE A WINNER! bounce around this troubled mind of mine that I realized yup, there's some irrational fears going on here.

My hands are severely chapped and no amount of glaxol base lotion or vaseline can cure them.  I wash my hands so many times in a day that creams and lotions stand zero chance of working.  I've even tried slathering on that lotion that has pee in it and putting on night gloves when I sleep.  My hands are okay for a few minutes in the morning, but the washing begins before Katelyn is even out of bed and the cycle starts all over again.

After asking Mike to change his clothes, I went and sat outside with a cup of coffee and started to mentally list all my "quirks" that would place me in the contamination spectrum.  Without going into full explanations for each, my "quirks" include:

- if I have been out in public, I change my clothes the instant I get home (before I touch Katelyn)

- I do NOT set my purse, grocery bags, diaper bags etc. on the counter close to where food is prepared

- I immediately scrub my hands when coming in from outside

- I wear gloves for any interaction with Joel (feeding, drinking, washing face etc)

- I cannot eat if there is a live plant within two feet of my plate (flowers in a vase included)

- work uniforms are washed by themselves and housed in a separate part of our closet

- Mike is not allowed to step in Katelyn's nursery if he is in his uniform

- Mike must wash his hands after interacting with Joel before he touches Katelyn

- Mike is not allowed to nap in bed wearing clothes that have been outside

- Mike must change his shirt before he picks up Katelyn if he has carried/lifted Joel

- none of Joel's items (cup, facecloth, lunch bag etc) are allowed to be on the counter where food is prepared

- my laundry routine is scheduled so that Joel's clothes are washed last in the week (it would kill me to have to wash Katelyn's clothes immediately after his clothes have gone through)

That is all I can think of at the moment, but I know there are many more quirks that I haven't connected yet.  With regards to my dealings with Joel, it breaks my heart that I have this fear of his "germs" (I know you can't catch cerebral palsy) because I don't want him thinking I'm afraid to touch him.    But if I didn't wear gloves, I fear I would feel like I would have to shower after caring for him.

I just want to point out that my house is not 100% spic and span.  I can go a week or two without washing floors or cleaning my bathroom.  This is because the house has our germs contained inside it.  This is my space and I will only clean out of schedule if I feel it's been contaminated.

Yikes.

When I put it in writing, I feel like I should get a head start on wrapping a straight jacket around myself.

All this being said, I am starting to accept that this is who I am.  I am quirky and have a very strange mind,  but I'm original and I am actually starting to be okay with the me that I am.