Five Days

This past Monday was the start of one of the lowest lows I have ever reached (it spanned over two days).  I'm not going into details on this blog about it at this time...all I will say is that I think I finally reached the pile of shit that's six feet underneath "rock bottom".  That was five days ago.  Saturday night? One of the best nights I've had in a long time (what started out as a date for Mike and I ended with me ditching him to go to the casino with another couple, having some drinks and winning some money...still had to put the kids to bed when I got home but whatevs...still an awesome night!!).

How does one go being that low to this high? Well, a major medication overhaul, complete with intensive counselling will hopefully help me find that answer. I'm pretty sure that, besides generalized depression, anxiety and OCD, I also "suffer" from Bipolar II disorder (one step below Bipolar I).  So, I'm being put on heavy mood stabilizers and, since Christmas is a stressful time for everyone, I'm not complaining that I'm going to be stoned as fuck for most of the holiday season.

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned on here how sick I am of feeling like my brain is holding me hostage.  I'm just a pawn in whatever game it wants to play.  If it wants me to be sad and moody, I have a tough time climbing out.  If it wants me to super happy and productive, I kick ass for as long as it will let me.  If it wants to beat me up and tell me I suck ass as a mother, well, I fall prey to its lies.  It really, really sucks to not know what kind of day I'm going to wake up to.  It sucks even more for Mike.  How that man has continued to stand by my side, I'll never understand but I'll sure keep thanking God that he does :)

In five days, we will be celebrating Christmas in a condo in Canmore with my entire family.  The build-up to this Xmas has been a good one. Miss K and I have had fun building gingerbread houses, finding "elf gifts", writing letters to Santa and just talking about Christmas in general.  Bubbaloo, of course, has no idea what's going on and is content to smack his nuts and eat paper.  He's my "special" boy.

There's a good chance this will be my last post of the year and I apologize for my pitiful, pitiful number of posts I've done this year.  I promise I will blog more regularly in the New Year.  This year has just been such a roller coaster...between Joel's back surgery, Mike's knee surgery, my quad accident and opening the store, there hasn't been much time to sit and ponder about blog posts.  But, like I said, more to come in the New Year :)

Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas, from our family to yours :)