It was 5:30pm. I was in the midst of making supper when there was a knock at the door. My initial thought was that it was some crazed woman making a last ditch effort to get her hands on the Barbie Jeep I had listed several hours prior (lady wasn't understanding that it was sold before she even commented). Nope. I was wrong. A police officer introduced himself, but all I heard was "I'm a big scary cop and I have a copy of your blog post from Thursday night. We're hear to lock you up and take away your children".
Of course, that's not what he said. But that's what I was thinking when I saw he had a screen shot of my blog post about my OCD being sent into overdrive. Unfortunately, Mike and I are not strangers with Mobile Crisis (the after hours social services). One evening last year, I was plagued with thoughts of hurting my kids and hurting myself and I got my mom to drive me to the hospital where I was going to check myself into the ward. Some miscommunication ensued and I was checked in as an "involuntary". Not cool, bro. Not cool at all. I told them I wasn't going with them until I was placed as voluntary. As soon as they lifted the involuntary placement, I changed my mind completely and wanted to go home. Now, since I had disclosed thoughts of hurting my children, the doctor had to phone Mobile Crisis and the police. They all met me at home. The kids were already gone to my mom and dad's house so they (Mobile Crisis) went there to physically see they were okay. Then a ban was put in place that I couldn't be alone with the kids until further notice. It was a living hell. I stayed at my parent's house with the kids so that I wasn't alone with them. After a week or so, the ban was lifted and I could gloriously be alone with my babies again! BUT that's not the point of this post…
The point of the post is this…someone in the community emailed my blog to the chief of police who then forwarded it on to a lower ranking worker. It got lost in her spam and sat there until today when the chief questioned what was done about it. "What was done about what?" was the response. Once they found the email in question, two constables were sent over to my house.
I was just about to pour myself a drink of apple juice in my wine glass when the knock happened. The officer very nicely explained who he was and why he was there. He said they needed to follow through and make sure I and the kids were okay. Our new kitten, Raj, had escaped out the front door when I let the officers in, so the second officer, Mr. Kitten Whisperer, coaxed Raj out from under the van and back into the house. Officer #1 stayed and chatted with me. I explained that I am okay. That I have a great number of supports in place. That I have a wellness checklist by my bathroom mirror that I run through everyday to make sure I'm feeling okay. That I'm taking my meds properly. That when events like Thursday happen, I have Mike. Whether he's at home or at work, he can talk me through pretty much anything. If he can't, he comes home. End of story. The officer seemed to be satisfied with that, but explained that Mobile Crisis still had to be alerted. Oy vey. My anxiety went through the roof. Thoughts of having my babies taken away because of something I wrote went through my mind. Never did I think my writing could prove that powerful.
Anyways, two lovely workers from Mobile Crisis showed up. We brought them up to speed on what had happened and what was happening. They checked on the kids (Katelyn was asleep on the couch and Andrew was watching videos in the kitchen on the computer…Joel was rocking out to Much Retro and making a hell of a racket singing along). They were satisfied that all was well, that I had sufficient supports in place and that I know what to do if I'm plagued with thoughts in the future. And they left.
I was shaking as I closed the door. I promptly popped two of my natural anti-stress supplements to try and calm me down. I couldn't get a hold of Mike at work since it was shift change. All I could do was wait until he got home to share the news with him. He was LIVID that someone would do that to me and tried to persuade me to make my blog private. Hells to the no am I doing that! I'm not about to be scared into a corner where my blog becomes private and no one can find me!
To the person that forwarded my blog on to the police…I have this to say to you…thank you and I'm sorry. Thank you for being concerned enough about me to pass along my blog to the proper authorities. But I'm sorry you felt you couldn't talk to me about it first. I'm sorry that you didn't click that little label that says "Mental Health" under each of these types of posts and find out a little bit more about me before you forwarded my blog on to the police. I'm sorry you didn't take the time to try and see what makes me tick before running scared. I'm sorry that I scared YOU. Lastly, thank you for giving me more material for my book ;)
And to all my peeps on FB that had my back today when I posted the teaser to this…THANK YOU! It's nice to be reminded every once in awhile who supports and loves you!
And so it goes...