Here We Go Again...

So, it has been almost three years since I've written on this blog. I tried other smaller blogs after "the incident that shall not be named", but it just didn't have the same feeling to it. Over the last little while, I've been using Instagram as a sort of mini-blog, but one can only say so much on that space. And so, here we are...

Let's start with an update, shall we? I had been holding steady in 2017, mental health wise. A job opportunity came my way for January 2018 and I decided to take it. Only trouble was that it was six hours away. I tried the commuting aspect, but it was a long, twisty highway and I don't do well on single lane highways, especially at night. My mental health started to fail and Mike offered to move the kids down pronto. But Joel wasn't in a home yet so that put a halt on those plans. So I resigned.

Joel moved into a fantastic group home in March 2018. He is very well taken care of - daily baths, regular diaper changes, all the movie time he could possibly want, daily trips to Kin Workshop. This Sunday? They're getting up early and heading to Saskatoon for Telemiracle! It is been such a great thing having him in the home. Mike doesn't know how he did it for all those years!

In May 2018, Mike turned 50 and retired from the jail. He did this because it made the most sense, with regards to getting both his knees fixed. He would have needed a bunch of time off work and EI pay is the shits. So, retirement it was.

My mental health continued to improve and another federal job opportunity came my way. I jumped on it. I was so excited and so pumped for this chance. The first few weeks went well, but then my mental illness took over and I had to resign. I ended up going for EMDR treatments (Google it - ain't nobody got time to explain that shit) and my life was saved. I inquired about getting my job back, but it was too late - they had hired someone else. Dammit.

Fast forward to January 2019...another job opportunity. This time at a rehab facility for young girls. I was over the moon excited at the thought of having my own classroom. Three weeks in, and I began have severe anxiety over my abilities. I just couldn't. do. it. So, once again, I resigned. Seeing a pattern here?

During one of my counselling sessions, my counsellor, Kathryn, and I made up a Mental Health Contract - things I was to do or to not do. Job searching and applying for jobs was the number one no-no. Searching for animals was a close second. Within a week of signing this contract, I had applied for four jobs. I couldn't help myself! At the time of writing, I'm still waiting to hear back from two of them.

My psychiatrist hasn't quite put a diagnosis of Bipolar II Disorder on me yet, but I'm pretty confident this is what I have. Ups and downs, but without the major major ups and downs that Bipolar I has....a little bit more levelled off. So? I'm going to try a mood stabilizer at my next appointment. I tried one recently, but ended up with rash and vomiting so that one was a no-go.

I hope to use this space like I did in its hey day - a place to laugh, to cry, to think, to amuse....and to bring awareness to mental illness.

I'm back, baby!

And so it goes...