Looking Ahead to 2020-fun

 I think we can all agree 2020 was a bust for a number of reasons. Personal losses. Restrictions. No travelling. Cabins off limits. Forced mask wearing. Animal deaths (so many people's pets died!). It was a no-good, shitty ass year. I'm looking ahead to 2020-fun (as I now call it). 

So....what is going to bring me joy in 2020-fun?

My store: 2020 was actually an amazing year, sales wise. When covid hit, I (like so many other businesses) went online. I delivered within the city. I cut down my shipping costs. I did no-contact pick ups. I was resourceful and it paid off. April, May and June were some of the best months of the year for sales. I am hoping 2020-fun continues to be a success for my wee shop. I have the best employees I could ever hope for and am not sure what I'm going to do when one of them leaves to have her baby in just over two short months! I changed locations back in October and that was the smartest move EVER. I have been busier in my new space (partially thanks to Christmas shopping though), but I think the busy-ness will continue into the new year. After all, babies are constantly being born, so I have that going for me (plus our hospital delivers a ridiculous amount of babies since we serve northern SK). 

My physical health: Every damn year I make the New Years Resolution that THIS WILL BE THE YEAR I LOSE WEIGHT. And every damn New Years Eve that following year, I'm heavier than I was at the beginning of the year. So not fair. I want to be a healthy weight. I am so tired of always being the fattest person in the room. I'm sick of my giant ass belly and giant ass ass. I've signed up with Noom and hoping that by looking at the psychological reason behind why I eat what I do, maybe that will help me stop shovelling donuts and chips down my hatch. I asked for (an received) a new FitBit for Christmas this year. Gotta start somewhere right?

My mental health: I have made the decision to start over. I am going to go off all my meds and see what my baseline is...and then take things from there. See whether all I need is anti-depressant or maybe just some occasional clonazepam. I'm not saying I'm going to live my life med free...I just want to see how I am without any medical interference.  Maybe I'll be okay. Maybe I'll always need my ass injection. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on Tuesday. We shall see how that goes...!!

My career: You're correct if you're thinking "But you already talked about the store...isn't that your career?". Yes and no. The store is a definite passion of mine. I love my shop...how it smells, how it looks (thank you, Breanne!!!), how it sounds and what it stands for. BUT I was made for something more. And I had a revelation. You see, I continue to seek out and apply for other jobs. I actually just found out I've been shortlisted for an interview for a GED position at Gabriel Dumont Institute here in PA (could be a not-too-bad gig). BUT back to my revelation...you see, I've been on the sub list for six years now and I've subbed maybe 20 times in those six years. I'm a newbie at it still. But I was also allowing myself to let fear and anxiety dictate my day. I was anxious over what the other teachers would think of me. I was anxious over what the teacher I'm filling in for would think me. I was anxious over making mistakes and not being able to teach content (in the higher grades). I was worried I wouldn't be able to control the classroom. A few years ago, I was booked to teach a grade one class for a whole week. After one day of what I thought was pure chaos, I backed out. Turns out, grade ones are just chaotic little kids who talk loud and talk often.  But I thought it was me a lack of confidence/control that caused the day to be so loud. AND SO...my revelation...when school gets back in session, I am going to be on that sub list. And I am going to take calls. And I'm not going to give two shits about what other teachers (are totally not) think of me. I'm not going to let fear of not knowing content stop me (I'm great at winging it). What I am going to do is be there for the kids...give hugs and high fives to the ones who need them. Give encouragement and positivity to the ones who feel left out. Smile and laugh with the class clown. And just have some damn fun. I'm not saying this to mean that I'm going to go in in a jokers costume and perform for the kids. What I mean is I am going to relax and just go with the flow. If I have a shit day, then that simply means I don't have to go back to that class if I so choose. I have received some pretty awesome hugs and notes from students after only a day of being in their class. I know (I JUST KNOW) if I could past my own fears and limitations, I would kick some major ass at being a teacher. As I sit and type this, I would love to have my own little class of grade fours or fives some day...that's such a fun age :) So there you go...2020fun is going to be filled with sub jobs :)

Wishing y'all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

And so it goes...