You Want To Put What Where?

If I'm gearing up to soon be pregnant, I should expect procedures like the one I experienced today. I will tell you right now - this post contains more information than you may be comfortable with so consider yourself warned. I had an appointment in Saskatoon today for a sonogram. Before I left this morning, I googled "sonogram" which lead me to this. If you follow that link, you will note at the bottom of the page, it claims that sonograms are "routine, safe and painless". I'll take "Bullshit" for two hundred please, Alex. Routine? Probably. Safe? I'm hoping so. Painless? Not a flippin' chance. For those of you who have eaten spaghetti squash, you know that you need to drag your fork down the squash in order to shred it. That is what my insides feel like as I'm typing this at 8:30 at night.

I walked in to the examining room with a sheet wrapped around my naked lower half. It was awkward to climb up into the infamous stirrup chair while trying to hang onto my sheet, but I managed to do it as gracefully as possible. Once I was settled in, I took note of what the nurse was doing. I watched her take a sterile pair of scissors out of one drawer. She then took two extremely large syringes out of another drawer. She unwrapped a little metal kidney shaped bowl that held a large clamp thing and other medical accessories. I've seen the clamp thing before. I've experienced the clamp thing before. What I couldn't figure out was why she needed one for a simple ultrasound. Then she grabbed a rather large bag of saline solution. And two very long, skinny tubes. I finally asked her what all of the material was for. She said it was for the HSG, to which my response was, "What's an HSG?". Once she explained it, I asked her if she had the right chart.

I started to get a little nervous...I don't deal well with physical pain. I used to be able to when I was younger, but the older I get, the more squeamish and sensitive I have become. So I began to breath deep in anticipation of all that was about to happen inside of me (I am so going to be a joy when I go in to labour). And then the door opened and in walked my doctor, the ultrasound dude and two residents. And all five of these people were about to see my wah-hoo, up close and personal. My face instantly turned red. I suppose I should get used to that if I plan on delivering a child, but this was the first time this many people were going to be privy to my privates. I don't really know what went in first, but I do know that there were two sets of hands working a couple of different instruments. And I can only liken the sensation to falling really, really hard on a bike...that has no seat. And that's when the doctor injected the saline and my uterus was instantly filled up. It felt like going from non-preggers to four months instantly (or what I would imagine it to feel like). This went on for a couple of minutes. When they finally pulled out all the instruments, there was a sudden whoosh as the saline expelled itself. And then I almost passed out. Again, I am going to be such a joy in labour.

So, with the pipes and lines all free and clear and ready to receive an egg, Mike and I were left with a decision to make. And we're 99.99% sure we've made a decision. And for those of you that I've talked with this about...it's not the route I've talked about :-)