We've made the decision to spare the cats' lives for a little while yet. When I met with my counselor on Tuesday, we talked about what I can do to alleviate some of the stresses I'm facing right now. And I realized that I'm just not ready to do this right now. So I can eliminate this stress right now by delaying it for awhile. It doesn't matter when it happens, it is still going to suck, but this gives me a little more time to enjoy their company and general goofiness.
I know that it doesn't make sense to some of you as to why I'm choosing to put them to sleep instead of giving them away. I can't quite verbalize my rationale. The best I can do is say that I would rather they die with me than to give them away and me constantly worry whether they're loved and cared for the way that I do.
I don't want to catch flack for comparing cats to children, but I will make this comparison: as a soon-to-be mother, my worst fear is having my children abducted (I think that's every parents' nightmare). IF that were to happen and IF I had to choose, I would rather my child be killed than to have them disappear and simply never seen again. I'll give you a moment to pick your jaw up off the floor. I just couldn't live the rest of my life wondering whether my child was still alive and whether they were okay. If they were killed, at least I would know "where" they were. Just look at the story of that young girl in California who was gone for 17 years or something like that...the parents had long given up hope that she would ever be found and then WHAM there she is again, but she's so brain washed and messed up, she will never be the same again. I read that the parents began to hope a body would be found so they could stop wondering.
I know it's a huge stretch to make a comparison like that, but it's the best I can come up with to try and explain my rationale. The cats have both lived good lives and will die within the next few years anyways. Yes, I will be cutting their lives short, but I wouldn't have to worry about where they are and if they are treated well. And I would have the satisfaction? of knowing they had a comfortable, easy death and that they would always be with me (their ashes in the little pirate trunk in our living room).
I know it must not make sense to everyone, but that's the best I can do. Right now, I'm just happy to have a couple extra months with them.
I think that's a good decision, especially given your other stresses.
ReplyDeleteI understand what you're saying about abduction. Can you imagine wondering if your child was in a sex trade overseas or being tortured or something like that?
Closure provides a way to start healing. Makes sense to me.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I lost something, Jyl. I can understand what you mean and I agree. But I still haven't understood WHY the cats have to go (either in ashes or to someone). I have probably missed some bits in your posts.
ReplyDeleteHope to hear from you soon, I am on fb more or less every evening. A hug!
We decided the cats had to go for a couple of reasons:
ReplyDelete1) WAY too much hair in this house. I can clean the floors everyday and there is still a huge build up of hair. I don't want Baby crawling on the floors and when I pick her up, have her looking like a furry little animal herself.
2) Lack of trust that the cats would harm Baby. There have been cases where cats have smothered babies (whether they're drawn to the smell of milk breath or just their warmth). I don't trust Ping and Sophie...they are far too curious and would be constantly around or trying to lay on top of Baby.
3) Making messes. Sophie throws up a lot...the vets don't know why. Our new carpet in the basement (when we put it in in 2006) was quickly stained with barf. They have also gotten into the habit of pooping or peeing BESIDE their litter box instead of in it (even when it's been freshly cleaned).
4) Just too many animals. Over the years, I kept collecting animals because I didn't have a baby. I should have stopped at just the two cats, but I couldn't help myself.
I realize that this is a very selfish thing to be doing - that I am putting them down because I don't want to be the one suffering and wondering if they're okay. But it's the only thing that makes the most sense to me. It won't be easy to do, I just know it has to be done.
I will try and catch you on FB sometime this week...we are long overdue for a great chat!!
PS - I get tons of compliments on the necklace and scarf you gave me and I LOVE saying they are from Italy!!
Oh Jyl!!!!
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