What I've Been Lacking

I have never felt so good in my life. I have energy. I am motivated. I don't nag Mike nearly as often. Little things don't irritate me. I am calm. I am not feeling stressed, overwhelmed, anxious or guilty. It. Is. Wonderful. And I'm pretty sure it all has to do with the anti-anxiety pills I'm taking. I think my brain has been lacking in the serotonin department for just a little too long. Honestly, there are moments in the day when I look outside and there's a bird sitting in the tree and I half expect the two of us to start whistling gayly back and forth to one another like Cinderella did.

I really, really like the whole "not nagging Mike as much" aspect. I'm pretty sure he does too. It's not so much nagging as it is arguing over stupid things. Like not wanting Joel to take any of his movies from our house to his mom's house. This used to be a huge issue for me (my argument being that she can start buying him movies or borrowing from her friends so he has more choices and isn't bored). Lately, my reply is, "Whatever. Take them all. Just make sure they come back home".

I think the other thing that is helping is the fact that I'm not breast-feeding. If I was, I would be feeling like a milking machine, very tied down and like each day is an endless cycle of the same thing - take off shirt, feed for 45 minutes, burp, wait two hours, repeat. With bottle-feeding, Katelyn has gulped her formula and is burped within ten minutes. And it's not solely my responsibility to feed her. If I want to, I can take off to Walmart just before feeding time and know that she will still be fed. Hell, I could take off to Saskatoon for the day without her and know that she would be fine. It's not like I'm taking off on daily adventures and leaving Mike to feed Katelyn. I think it's just the knowing that I could do it if I wanted to that has my mind relaxed.

Of course, being madly in love with my daughter likely plays a role in my elevated mood. I cannot put her down. Even when she's sound asleep and I should be climbing into bed, I continue to sit and rock her. I love watching the silly faces she makes, even though she's sound asleep. When she's awake, nothing else is as important or as entertaining (she makes even funnier faces when she's awake). My day and my life are totally consumed by her. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Testing out Shandi to see how she'll hold up as a miniature pony.


















Testing out her real rocking horse and deciding that both the horse and Shandi will be equally fun to ride around on.