A Whole-Hearted Thank You

I truly do thank each and every one of you who left such kind responses.  It was such a relief to read through each of the comments and not have anyone shocked, horrified and disgusted by what I wrote.  This last month, I have honestly felt at my lowest - not just because of the harmful thoughts, but because I question and analyze every. single. thought I have.  I just feel this desperate need to figure out what's me and what's not me, what's crazy and what's normal.  I can't fall asleep at night because the hamster in my head keeps running and running and running in its stupid little wheel.

The upside is that I have an appointment with my psychiatrist today.  Due to scheduling conflicts, I haven't seen her in six weeks and I'm hoping we can get some of this mess sorted out...whether I should go off the meds, up the meds or switch meds.  I'm voting for off the meds because before them, even though I felt "crazy" it wasn't this kind of anxious, lost, overhwlemed crazy that I'm feeling right now.  I really don't like the 'me' that I am right now.

Katelyn is the brightest spot in my day.  She is my focus and my priority.  I spend all day with her - laughing, giggling, playing, feeding and napping.  The longest I have been away from her is eight hours and I swear she grew an inch while I was away.  I didn't like missing out on that :-) 

Part of the reason I wanted to post the previous post was for an explanation - for those of you readers who do know me and who might notice I don't respond to emails or phone calls as quickly as I used to or that they don't include my normal witty banter.  All of my thoughts have been turned towards myself, but not in egotistical way - just in a self-analyzing way that sucks up so much energy, I don't feel like there's much left to use in a witty exchange.  I'm even finding it difficult to write a lot of my posts lately - to concentrate enough to put together a grammatically correct sentence that is either interesting or humorous has almost become a test of feats.  Or is it a feat of tests?  Or is that even a saying?  See what I mean?

Since I'm actually typing this at 2:00 in the morning, I should sign off.  I think my favourite infomercial about the incredible Magic Juicer/Blender/Chopper/Swiss Army Knife/Snugglie All-in-One is about to come on.