It's What It Symbolizes

It's a simple briefcase.  Hard outer shell. A handle.  Samsonite brand.  But it's not the brand of the briefcase that matters.  It's what it symbolizes.

It will carry files and important papers.  Or maybe my laptop.  Perhaps it will carry money someday.  But it's not what the briefcase carries that matters.  It's what it symbolizes.

It is a beautiful, bright pink case.  The inside is pale, lime green and pink.  But it's not the colour that matters.  It's what it symbolizes.

It cost me more than any briefcase should ever cost.  But it's not the price that matters.  It's what it symbolizes.

When I was little (I'm talking four-years old), I didn't know what I wanted to be.  I wasn't sure if I was going to be a teacher like my parents.  Or maybe a veterinarian that rescued animals.  All I knew was that I was going to carry a bright, pink briefcase.  I'm pretty sure my Day-to-Night Barbie had a lot to do with this.  She wore a professional looking skirt for her day job, but once the skirt was reversed and her jacket was removed...voila! Barbie was ready to hit the town.  I never did know what Barbie's day job was, but she carried a pink briefcase that contained a calculator and some papers.  She must have been very important.

I am educated as a teacher.  All my life, I dreamed about what my classroom would be like.  I saw myself marking papers, designing bulletin boards, organizing Christmas concerts and so on.  And although my years in the College of Education were some of the best of my life, my internship in Canora completely ruined me for teaching.  My passion for teaching fizzled more and more with each passing day, as my Nazi of a co-operating teacher berated and chided me for everything I did. By the time those four months were over, I was terrified of having my own classroom.  I believed that children would eat me alive and that I was completely incapable of even sharpening a pencil.

After convocation, I took a job within a correctional setting.  Initially, I loved the job.  It didn't involve the most ideal students (although they were a captive audience...ba dum dum ching!), but my passion for teaching slowly started to re-appear.  It was a very different setting than I had been trained for, but I enjoyed the fact that all I did was teach.  My day ended when I walked out...no prep, no marking, no parent-teacher interviews, no extra-curricular.  My evenings and weekends were all mine AND I still got the satisfaction of knowing I was helping people learn.

Over time, my mental health started to deteriorate.  I'm not sure how much of it had to do with my pregnancies or whether it was due to my work environment.  Regardless, I began to detest my work place and my job.  In the mornings, when I would put on my uniform, I would have panic attacks while buttoning up my shirt.  I would cry as I was driving to work and all I wanted to do was head towards the highway and never come back.

This past year has been the worst of my life, in terms of mental health.  I've been hospitalized three times.  We couldn't balance out my meds.  Finally, at the beginning of August, my psychiatrist recommended a new med.  I had my choice between a pill that wasn't covered under my insurance, but it had energizing side effects.  The other med would be covered, it would be a shot injected into my ass cheek and the side effects would be quite sedating (in an attempt to get rid of the negative thoughts I have).  I decided to try the energizing one.  Best decision of my life.

Today? I'm quitting my job.  I'm not letting that place dictate my mood and mental health any longer.

So what am I going to do for work?  Enter the pink briefcase.  I have hit a point in my life where I know I will never be happy working for someone else.  I would never be happy as a teacher.  I would never be happy working in an office cubicle.  I want to decide how hard I want to work and to set my own deadlines...not have them set by someone else.  I want to decide whether I'm taking summers off...not watch other people take them and have me be the one to sweat in my uniform during hot summer days.  I want to decide how successful I am going to be...and not leave that in the hands of some old boys' club/management/high school mentality group of people.

My passions in life involve computers, organization, math, creativity, online shopping and customer service.  So what can I do with those loves?  The only logical conclusion is to open a brick and mortar store.  Which is exactly what is happening in less than two weeks.  Although everything is registered under Mike's name, the store is mine.  It is a children's used clothing store, but I will also carry a ton of other items (baby gifts, blankets, soother clips etc).  Renos are under way and I can't wait to share pics of the progress.  I've been sitting on this egg for awhile, but needed to officially quit my job before I could say anything.  To others, it may not be that exciting.  It may be "just a store".  To me? It is a culmination of all of my passions and the fruition of a dream I never knew that I had.

I was born to be an entrepreneur.

And I will finally carry a pink briefcase.