At Least It's Not Depression

Since the beginning of February, my anxiety has crept back and in the last few days, has hit me with a vengeance.  Anxiety sucks because all I do is worry. all. the. time. I worry about how much I'm worrying.  I stopped taking my Thrive for a bit, wondering if the ephedra in the patch was causing my symptoms, but that did nothing.  So, I am back on the Thrive because it is doing a wonderful job of keeping my depression at bay.

But anxiety can be just as debilitating as depression, minus the sleeping all the time (and the wanting to die).  Anxiety keeps me trapped in my house because I'm worried about going out…there are a ton of fears that run through my mind (what will people think of the outfit I'm wearing/my daughter is wearing; having to talk to people in the service industry; having to talk to people in general).  Anxiety stops me from subbing…no way can I go into a classroom and worry about what the students are thinking of me, what the other teachers or EAs are thinking and what the teacher for whom I'm subbing will think of the job I did.  So…there has been very little subbing in the month of February and none in March so far.

I got a few good tips from a friend of mine that I have since tried and they worked temporarily to slow the anxious thoughts down (thanks Carmen!!).  I also got in early to see my psychiatrist and we are upping my ass injection, back up to 200mg (we dropped it down in December when I started kicking butt with Thrive).  I was also given a low dose of a sleeping pill, since night time is the worst for my anxiety…good luck shutting off my brain when I'm laying in the dark with nothing to do but worry!!  I'm thankful that it's a low enough dose that I can still wake up with Andrew, but fall right back asleep (instead of being wide awake again).

And so…life continues on, hoping beyond hope this anxiety disappears sooner rather than later.  I'd really like to be able to get back into the classroom and start saving some money for Vegas!