Caribbean Blue

Today I started off in a great mood...woke up on time, got enough coffee in me, my hair did what it was supposed to and so on. I was practically skipping as I walked in to work. Unfortunately, my terrific mood didn't last long. I had to teach in this one area today and I swear, I wasn't down there for more than 5 minutes and I was more depressed and more bitchy than I have been in a long time. The attitudes of the staff down there were so extremely negative and depressing that I wanted to rip my hair out. There was a group of 3 who chose to use either f*#k or c*#k sucker as every second word. They were calling the students "stupid pieces of sh!t" and making comments like why I even try to teach "those monkeys". They were complaining about EVERYTHING. In turn, my mood shot down hill pretty quickly and by the time I got into the classroom, I was in no mood to deal with any guff from the students. It was then that I realized the staff haven't clued in to why the students are owly and grumpy - it's because the staff (in that area) treat them like morons and it's because the staff are always owly and grumpy. So, I turned my frown upside down and proceeded to listen to the students vent about what was on their minds. I joked with them and teased them a little, I pushed them when they needed it and backed off when I sensed I should and you know what? We had a fabulous morning together!

Throughout the day, I found myself questioning what those staffs' lives are like outside of work...do they bitch and complain to their spouses when they get home? Do they refer to their children as "pieces of shit"? Do they kick small dogs? Does anything make them happy? Do they find joy in any area of their lives? My guess is that their outlook at work is at least somewhat carried back to their homelife and I just can't imagine having such a negative attitude all the time.

Skip ahead to about 9:30 tonight - I was lounging on our patio with my feet up, my dog at my side, a mug of coffee in my one hand, a cigarette in the other and my MP3 set to "Caribbean Blue" by Enya. I stretched back so all I could see was the tops of the trees and the sky. Suddenly, this foreign feeling washed over me - I wasn't sure what it was at first. As I continued to lay there, I realized that this new feeling was complete and utter contentment - content with who I am and the paths I've chosen, content with my career and the way I perform my responsibilities, content with my family and friends and the relationships that I have with each individual person, but the biggest contentment I felt was with mistakes I had made and realizing that they were all made for a reason - they were made because it was an opportunity to learn something and grow a little bit more. As I type this, I am listening to Enya once again and still very much feeling that contentedness...it's funny how music can have that effect on people. I just thank god for New Age muzak because somehow I don't think Justin Timberlake would have evoked quite the same feeling.

And so it contentedly goes...