That's all the breastmilk that Katelyn got from me.
It's easy to say, "Don't feel guilty", but it's difficult to not feel it.
I think the first mistake was that Katelyn's first feed was a bottle of formula while I was in surgery. Our second mistake was buying formula when we got home so that Mike could feed her so I could get some much needed sleep (in order to get my hemoglobin count back up to normal). Eleven days. It just doesn't seem like enough.
But...
Katelyn is gaining weight.
Mike is able to bond with her during feeding.
She is fairly calm and content while waiting for her bottle to be heated.
I don't have to worry about whipping out my boob in public to feed her.
Mike and I can go on a date and leave Katelyn with her grandparents.
I don't have dry, cracked or leaky nipples.
There are definitely unspoken advantages to bottle-feeding. I'm trying to find all the positives instead of mourning the loss of breast-feeding.
On the plus side, my hemoglobin is up to 106. The lowest it hit was 54 so this is a definite improvement!
You can't forget that she got all the best from you too - that liquid gold colustrum (sp?) in the beginning put her on an excellent path!
ReplyDeleteGood for you for looking at all the positives! Glad to hear you are gaining your strength back too.
And of course it need not be said for it is just stating the obvious, and yet it must be said because it just must, but she's adorable!
If there's one thing I learned after having a baby - it was that if my next baby doesn't work out with the breastfeeding. PFT! So be it!! I was wracked with guilt b/c Koen wouldn't breastfeed. His record for breastfeeding was 7 minutes. We fought for 3 months trying to get him to "figure it out". I pumped for 3 months. Yes, every 3 hours for 3 months.
ReplyDeleteInsane?
TOTALLY INSANE.
And guess what? Koen is healthy, growing, and he was formula fed too!
Katelyn will be just fine. And you'll get a break when you need it. BUT - you will be washing bottles until the cows come home (hmmm, weird analogy given the situation...haha). I suggest getting a TV in your kitchen!
Oh my Lord! She is just the cutest thing!
ReplyDeletePlease, please keep looking on the positives, because, honestly, no matter WHAT we do as mothers, there are reasons to second guess ourselves. And the second guessing usually does no good; it only makes us go crazy.
It was so good to see her little face on Skype the other day -- even if you had to look at my unmake-uped face and double chins the whole time. :)
Just enjoy it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It's all a part of the experience.
Don't let anyone let you feel guilty that you arn't breastfeeding anymore...and don't beat yourself up over it either...Kristen couldn't figure out the boob, so instead of me leaving the hospital without her (believe me it crossed my mind), I opted for the bottle...get yourself a bottle brush and truely it is not that bad...Can't wait to see you on the 6th!!!!!! Barry and I are going to Edmonton til Tuesday so you will have to live without my knowledge until then.
ReplyDeletexxx
I understand you 100%. Like Carmen, I tried for months to breastfeed Grady and in the end it just wasn't physically possible. It is hard to overcome the guilt of not being able to do something we want to do. But our little ones don't care how they are fed, only that they are fed. If she is happy, run with it. It the meantime you will reep the beneift of shared night time feedings, extra sleep, and more freedom! Katelyn is so sweet so you are obviously doing something right!
ReplyDeleteI didn't breastfeed Finley either and she is a healthy, vibrant, thriving 15 month old. It was completely my choice to not breastfeed her as no matter how much i read, how much people told me, it still was something that i wasn't comfortable with. the doctors at the hospital thought i was suffering from post partum because of my refusal to breastfeed and before i was discharged i had to speak with a therapist and the hospital psychiatrist about it. my doctor told me that there were no real differences between the two and that finley would be just fine. and she is. plus you are right, it gives you the option of going out without her, letting mike bond with her, and you can get some rest without worrying about feeding her. friends and family both judged me because of my decision not to breastfeed but i did what i believed to best for finley and my family and i have absolutely no regrets.
ReplyDeleteif you, mike & katelyn are happy who cares about anybody else!