Just So You Know Why...

Dear Mike,

Today is a day I didn't think we'd have to experience for many years to come.  Today we will say good-bye to your stepfather and the only true father-in-law I have known.  While it's true that you could have your own sitcom called, "My Three Dads", the other two men paled in comparison to Gary in every possible way.  Yes, there is your birth father, but honestly...all he gave to you is your hairline.  Then there's your first step-dad and all he passed on to you was your last name.  Although you had already moved out of your mom's house when Gary came into the picture, he portrayed all of the qualities a real father should.

But this letter isn't about all of Gary's wonderful qualities.  This letter is an explanation to you about my forthcoming behaviour.  Gary's death has shaken up my world and I just. can't. imagine. how your mother is feeling.  All they had was sixteen short years together and I can't help but wonder, "Is that all you and I will have as well?".  If that is the case, things are about to change.

Please don't be surprised if you find me holding your hand more often.  Even if it's while you're standing at the stove, stirring the pasta sauce.  I just want to make sure I have every line and crease in your strong hands memorized.

Please don't bet startled if you catch me watching you while you flip through the flyers.  I just want to forever remember the way you hunch forward with your finger perched on your lip, ready to moisten it to turn the page better.

Please don't be scared if you awake to find me watching you sleep...I promise I'm not a crazy stalker.  I just want to listen to your breathing and watch the rhythmic rise and fall of your chest into my mind.

Please don't be surprised if I start to cry while I'm resting my head on your chest while we're snuggling.  I love listening to the sound of your beautiful heartbeat and I just can't bear the thought that it will someday be silenced.

Please don't be surprised if I tear up when I see you snuggling with Katelyn while you feed her her morning bottle.  I just want to make sure that peaceful image stays with me forever.

Please don't be surprised at the onslaught of affection you are about to experience.  I know that you already know I am an affectionate person, but it's about to be taken to a whole new level.  I will be holding your hand every chance I get.  I will be giving you surprise back rubs when the thought strikes me.  I will run my hand through your hair and massage the back of your neck.  I will squeeze your knee under the dinner table.  I will just be touching you a whole lot more.  Period.  And it's not about sex...it's just that I want to enjoy you and your touch for as long as we are together - however long that may be.

Unfortunately, the fact that we are not guaranteed tomorrow has once again been thrown in our faces.  The fact that I will someday have to deal with losing you is something I cannot bear to think about.  For now, I plan to love you even more fiercely.  Look out Babe - you're about to be smothered :)

Love Me