Dear Me...

Note to self #1:  When you are out for your evening walk and you are listening to your iPod (essentially blocking out all surrounding noise), if you feel the need to pass gas, please do better a job of shoulder checking before you let 'er rip.  Those poor, poor ladies behind you...

Note to self #2:  Remember the time you found a pistachio nut lodged under your boob?  That was nothing compared to the lighter that fell out your bra last week.

Note to self #3: If you are wearing pants that don't have pockets and you are going out for a smoke, do not stuff your lighter in your cleavage because you will forget it is there until you change into your pajamas.

Note to self #4: If this pattern of finding random objects underneath your boobs continues, I suggest you start walking further and faster.  It is beyond time to lose this weight, once and for all.

Note to self #5: Speaking of lighters, if you EVER get the desire to light a pile of poplar fluff on fire again...don't.  Just don't.  You completely torched one side of your neighbour's backyard and you are DAMN lucky that her shed did not catch on fire.

Note to self #6: When you are applying for jobs where the primary responsibility is correctly filing paper work, it is best if you avoid attaching the wrong cover letter with your resume. Twice. Three times in a row.