Catheter Man (Updated)

It's funny how a little retail therapy can brighten up your day.

Even if the only purchase you make is a condom catheter.

Yes, you read that right - a condom catheter made my day.

For those of you who don't know who Joel is, this is a good place to start.  Joel wears diapers and there is a LOT of pain-in-the-ass-ish-ness that goes along with it.  He has grown out of the "Good Nights" he used to wear (which had awesome absorbency) and, for the last year or so, he's been wearing men's Depends (which aren't really built for full on bladder emptying).  So, we were forced to take precautions in other ways: putting absorbent pads on his wheelchair and on the floor to catch the spillage when he would soak through his pants.  His laundry basket is constantly full of pee soaked pants.  And the smell in his room?  Well, let's just say his Scentsy does what it can, but it can't completely mask the smell. And don't even get me started on what this all does to my laundry routine in order to guarantee Joel's stuff is always washed last!

Mike and I talked about getting Joel an internal catheter, but that idea was quickly vetoed.  Obviously, we don't like to cause Joel any unnecessary pain and the risk of infection would be pretty high.  We do have a commode for him to use (a portable toilet like you'd see in the hospital), but there is even more pain-in-ass-ish-ness associated with that since it would mean attempting to clean him up while he's suspended in a sling over the commode.

On Thursday, I decided to check out a local medical supply store here in town.  I wanted to know if they carried some type of external catheter system.  The moment I walked into the store, I knew the trip was going to be worthwhile solely based on the sheer hotness radiating from the gentleman working behind the counter.  Sidenote: if any of you local readers know the man that I am talking about, please feel free to pass along my name and phone number on the off chance that Mike and I ever get divorced. Seriously...this guy was BYOOtiful.  And from the moment he opened his mouth, I could tell he wasn't a cocky douche like so many good looking guys seem to be.  He was helpful, funny and very friendly.  Did I mention he was good looking?  In my younger years when I was much more insecure, I would have been nervous around such an adonis that I would have stumbled on my words to the point of sounding like a wounded seal.  Not so much anymore.  I was able to joke and chat right back with him.

The store did have the system I was talking about and we reached a point in our interaction where I had to choose a condom size.  You wanna talk about awkward?  How about having to guesstimate the size of your 16 year old stepson's schlong?  Yah, awkward.  But, me being me...I did the best I could to make light of the situation.

After making the purchase, I raced home to Mike for two reasons.  One, I was super excited about finding the catheter system.  Two: to tell him I was super excited to discover a really hot guy sells said catheter system.  Mike and I are secure and confidant enough in our relationship that we can joke about hitting on/dating other people, so for the rest of the evening, I enjoyed bringing up "Catheter Man" every chance I got.

If that wasn't enough, imagine my delight to get a phone call from "Catheter Man" this morning :)  He was phoning to let me know that Joel's supplies would all be covered by SaskHealth.  I like to think he was phoning just so he could hear my voice again :)  I'm already counting down to when I have to go back and refill Joel's supplies.

Update: After Mike dubbed the salesman "Catheter Man", I instantly remembered the song "Particle Man" by They Might Be Giants (one of my favourite groups in the early 90s).  I began to sing along with the video, but I changed the lyrics to those that are not suitable for being printed on the world wide web :)