Mike's dad passed away on Monday morning. As sad as that may sound, the thing that weighs heavy on my heart is the fact that Mike is not going to the funeral. I just can't stop thinking, "But that's your DAD, for God's sake". But I guess you could say there are good? reasons behind it.
You see, each fall Mike and a bunch of the men in his family take an annual fishing trip up north. His stepdad, Gary, was the central part of each trip. He did all the planning, grocery shopping and cooking. Gary died unexpectedly last October, which makes this year's trip all the more important. Mixed in with the fishing and the laughs will be quiet moments of remembering Gary and paying to tribute to him. This year's trip is this weekend, which is now the same weekend as Mike's dad's funeral.
It just breaks my heart that the relationship between Mike and his dad became so non-existent that attending the funeral isn't a priority. It breaks my heart to think about when Mike was born, it's not as though his dad was thinking, "My beautiful son...I can't wait to let our relationship fall to shit; to abandon you, your brother and your mother; and to barely talk to you when you're older. I look forward to making you and your brother somehow feel responsible for the lack of our relationship when, really, that responsibility lies with me. I hope to someday not be invited to your wedding because of the lackluster role I play in your life. I can't wait to find out that I have a granddaughter...a year after she's born. Yes, my beautiful baby boy, that is what I dream". No, he obviously wasn't thinking that, but that's how things played out.
And now, on Saturday, a man will be laid to rest without his sons or his grandchildren by his graveside to pay their respects.
How utterly heartbreaking.
I had the same very relationship as Mike did with his father. My father passed away about 10 years ago and my sister and I drove to Edmonton for his funeral. The funeral service made it abundantly clear how little my father thought of us and how non-existant we were to him and those around him. If I had to re-do his funeral, I wouldn't go again. I never understood growing up how he could be like that and I now that I have children of my own, I just cannot imagine being so non-existant in their lives. It makes me sad. Mike is a fantastic husband and father and that is because of his "step" dad. I am glad that Mike is honoring the right father this weekend because he is the one that deserves. So sad that some things are the way they are, but I guess that's what they call life.
ReplyDeletePS Sorry for deleting the earlier comment. It was full of grammatical errors.
Oh man, Becky...I'm sorry that you're all too familiar with this kind of relationship. Mike and I just come from two different worlds with regards to our upbringing/childhood...I just can't imagine not speaking to my dad or having him in my life.
ReplyDeleteYou mentioned that Mike might be who he is because of his stepfather...I actually think it's because of his birth dad and his shitty behaviour and vowing to never be like him. You'd be hard pressed to find a more devoted father than Mike :)