The Ups and Downs

Le sigh....

Sooo...my psychiatrist has gone ahead and diagnosed me as being bipolar. I have major ups (anyone else notice these?!? LMAO) followed by periods of OCD flare ups where I am very focused on getting ahold of meds to abuse. It's not necessarily periods of depression where I'm laying in bed and can't do anything. It's suicidal ideation that wreaks havoc on my mind. We have our safety plans in place (have I mentioned how amazing Mike is?!?) and I am able to muster through them unscathed.

I have a tough time accepting the label of bipolar. The ups? They are amazing. I am focused, creative, a little flip floppy, always looking for the next best house/business location/business move/products to bring in etc. I get a lot done and am able to stay on top of the household duties. Mike is wonderful at working in the house as well, but I like him to have little to do when he's in the midst of a twelve hour shifts.

I have been feeling absolutely amazing, besides a super low dip last week. I talked about it with my psychiatrist and decided to add a mood stabilizer to my med regimen. Three days into the new routine and I couldn't stay awake. I was sleeping from 7pm-10am and a two hour nap in the afternoon. So out the window those meds go...yes, they would get rid of the highs but I need to be able to function.

For now? Imma stick with my current med regimen. It's worked for this long and I LIKE being up! Yes, I am wishy washy and able to change my mind in an instant but that's half the fun! I've always been a day dreamer and I like planning out my life based on one idea and then changing course at whip lash speed and onto the next plan. It keeps things interesting, that's for shit sure.

And so it goes...